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~*~ Stop The Violence ~*~

My mother and step-father met at a time in her life when her marriage and her emotions were in a turmoil. She had three small children and she had just found out she had a devastating disease. Her husband was unable to support her emotional needs. She was afraid and alone. This handsome stranger listened to her. He made her feel beautiful and worthwhile. As she grew away from her husband, she grew closer to my step-father.

In the early days, my step-father was funny and exciting. He was sweet to mom and he treated us kids like his own. When mom's divorce was final, we started a new life.

The first years were tough. Money was tight, but they muddled through. There was only one problem. My step-father was a heavy drinker~~and a mean drunk. When mom would confront him, he would lash out, sometimes violently. As years went by, the violence occurred more often.

As small as we were, my siblings and I were affected by the violence, too. My step-father was very strict. We weren't allowed to have friends over, rules were exact and punishment harsh. As the oldest, I was expected to "set an example" for my younger siblings. My mistakes were spotlighted and I often went to school with welts on my legs from the whippings I received. Even though my brother and sister weren't beaten as often, they were still affected by the violence.

The violence got worse and worse. It finally escalated to the point where my step-father choked my mother to near-unconsciousness. I had just turned nineteen. I called the police and I managed to pull him off of her. The police took him to jail where he stayed overnight. The next day he told me if I ever called the police on him again, he would blow my head off. I believed him with all my heart.

Things were quiet for a time. Then one day, I was at home with my mom and step-father. He said he wasn't feeling well and went upstairs to take his "pressure" medicine. That was the last time I saw him alive. He died of a massive stroke.

We were lucky. The violence ended for the most part when my step-father died. My mother did have a brief relationship with another abusive man some years later, but he ended up in jail on other charges. My brother and sister suffered bad first marriages, both ended in divorce. My brother is now happily married, my sister is still single.

This is a very short version of what actually happened. We all reacted to the violence differently, both then and now. But we've all gotten past it. The one thing that remains is our passion against domestic violence. The circle will not be continued in this family.

Please visit the links below. If you are in an abusive relationship, you can find help. If you want to help others in abusive relationships, you will find out how you can. God Bless and Protect you.

MDS~2000

! Stop the violence !

Violence Against Women in the United States
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site last update January 2010